Self-Trust: The Missing Piece in Your People-Pleasing Recovery
If you’ve spent years making decisions based on what keeps others happy, trusting yourself might feel impossible.
Maybe you overanalyse every choice, worry about making the ‘wrong’ decision, or feel totally disconnected from what you actually want. Sound familiar?
You’re definitely not alone. So many of my clients have spent so long convincing themselves they don’t have any needs or preferences that when they come to me, they feel completely disconnected from themselves. It’s like their own voice has gone quiet.
But here’s something I know: You weren’t born doubting yourself.
No baby hesitates before crying when they need something, and no toddler asks, “Is it okay if I like this toy?” But over time, we’re taught to seek external validation instead of trusting our own inner wisdom.
Why Self-Trust is So Hard for People-Pleasers
Good Girl Conditioning teaches us early on that approval comes from being agreeable, easygoing, and putting others first. Over time, you stop checking in with yourself altogether—you’re too busy worrying about what others think is best for you.
Now? Self-doubt, second-guessing, and the fear of making the ‘wrong’ decision have become constant companions.
And when you do try to tune into your own voice? It’s drowned out by the noise of overthinking.
Reconnecting with my intuition has been a huge part of my journey - and I’m determined to keep hold of that connection from hereon in.
How to Rebuild Self-Trust
Step 1: Start Small
Every time you make a choice—even a tiny one, like what to eat for lunch—pause and check in with yourself:
What do I actually want?
What would feel good right now?
The more you practice asking, the more natural it will feel to listen.
Step 2: Stop Asking for Excessive Reassurance
Just notice how often you habitually run decisions by someone else—your partner, your colleague, your best friend.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for advice, but next time, try this: Instead of saying, “What do you think I should do?” say, “Here’s what I’m thinking—what are your thoughts?”
You might be surprised to find… you already know your own answer.
Step 3: Celebrate Every Time You Listen to Yourself
Every time you check in with yourself instead of outsourcing your decision? It’s a win.
Every time you act on your own needs? It’s a major win!
Self-trust is built day by day, one small choice at a time.
It might also help to think back:
When have you ignored your gut feeling, but it turned out to be right?
When have you honoured your intuition, and what was the outcome?
Bonus Step: Keep Your Promises to Yourself
Treat the promises you make to yourself like the ones you’d make to your best friend. Sure, sometimes life happens, and you need to adjust plans. But if you promised yourself a quiet evening or a nourishing meal tonight—let’s try and honour those commitments as often as possible.
Because if your friend kept cancelling on you? It’d be pretty hard to trust them... and same applies to you and yourself.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help, and having a strong support system is incredible. But if you’re constantly ignoring your gut and making decisions based on what others think instead of what you feel and know? Chances are, you’ve forgotten that you are your own best authority. It’s time to start listening to yourself.
If this hit home, know this: You can rebuild self-trust. You can break free from overthinking. And you don’t have to do it alone!
Inside my 1:1 coaching program, Me Era, I help recovering people-pleasers step into confidence, peace, and unshakable self-trust. If you’re craving real support to finally put yourself first, let’s chat! You can book a free call with me here.