I Thought I Was Just ‘Nice’—Turns Out, I Was Terrified of Disappointing People
I used to think I was just being nice—a good person. It’s good to be easygoing, right? To be the one who keeps the peace, goes with the flow, makes life easier for everyone else? Who wants to be the difficult one, the high-maintenance one?
Well, it took me a long time to realise…
I wasn’t just being nice. I wasn’t just naturally go-with-the-flow (in fact, I’m the opposite, but that’s another story). I was actually utterly terrified of disappointing people.
The Hidden Fear Behind Over-Giving
I didn’t say yes all the time because I genuinely wanted to. I almost convinced myself I had no preference—that I truly didn’t mind letting others take the lead.
But the truth? I said yes because saying no felt dangerous. Having an opinion—one someone else might disagree with or think was silly—felt like too much of a risk.
Somewhere along the way, I had learned:
Setting boundaries = People won’t like me.
Saying no = I’m selfish.
Disappointing others = I’m failing as a good person.
And so, I became fluent in self-abandonment.
I said yes to things I didn’t want to do. I constantly ignored the niggles in my gut. I told myself I was “too sensitive” anytime I felt uncomfortable. I felt so responsible for other people’s emotions that I almost convinced myself I had no needs of my own.
For the longest time, I thought, ‘This is just who I am.’ I was the easygoing one, the fixer, the peacemaker.
But then I learned the truth: People-pleasing isn’t a personality trait. It’s a coping mechanism.
And once I saw that? Everything started to change.
Rewriting the Story: From Fear to Freedom
Here’s what I know now:
✔ Setting boundaries doesn’t make me unkind—it makes me honest. And while it might not feel like it, honesty is actually what creates real connection, not pretending to be okay with everything.
✔ Discomfort isn’t danger—it’s growth. The fear of setting boundaries is always worse than actually doing it. The more you step into your power, the safer it starts to feel. (And let’s be real
✔ The right people won’t leave just because I choose myself. It’s actually pure magic when people start to trust you to be real with them - relationships deepen. (Have you ever had a friend open up to you about something important? How did it feel? For me, every time it’s been the biggest privilege to be gifted that trust. To truly know someone and be known in return - it’s giving me goosebumps, I’ll never take those relationships for granted.)
✔ And the biggest lesson? Disappointing others isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Living your whole life disappointing yourself is.
What About You?
If you’re reading this thinking, Omg, this is me—I see you. You’re not broken. You’re not “too sensitive.” And you don’t have to live like this forever. If you’re looking for a place to start: Sign up for free to my Good Girl Detox Challenge!
Want to dive deeper? I’d love to chat over on Instagram! Send me a DM @helen.bryer—I’d really love to hear your thoughts!