The 3 Biggest Lies We Were Taught About Being ‘Good’ Women
Most of us were taught that being a ‘good woman’ meant being selfless, agreeable, and easygoing. That our worth was tied to how much we gave—our time, our energy, our peace. But those rules? They weren’t made to empower us. They were made to keep us small.
Even as we unlearn these beliefs, they still show up everywhere—just take a look at the backlash women face for being confident, successful, or assertive.
Here are three of the biggest lies we were taught—and why it’s time to break free from them.
Lie #1: “If You Set Boundaries, You’re Rude.”
From a young age, many of us were taught that being nice is more important than being honest. That saying no is mean. That asking for what you need is selfish.
But here’s the truth: Kindness and boundaries are not opposites. You can be a deeply caring person and still honour your own limits.
You can be warm AND direct.
You can be compassionate AND have limits.
You can love people deeply AND say no to things that don’t work for you.
Lie #2: “If Someone Is Upset With You, You Did Something Wrong.”
How many times have you felt crushing guilt after setting a boundary—simply because the other person reacted badly?
We’re taught that if someone is disappointed, it’s our job to fix it. That somehow, we’re bad for having created this situation in the first place.
But the truth is: Even when you’re being a decent human being (because THAT, of course, IS our responsibility): Disappointment is inevitable. You can’t control how others feel—but you can control whether you betray yourself in the process.
You’re not in charge of managing how others feel.
You don’t have to shrink yourself to keep the peace.
Saying yes to them shouldn’t mean saying no to you.
Lie #3: “You Have to Earn Rest.”
We’ve been conditioned to believe that rest is something we must earn—not a natural, human need.
So we keep pushing. Overgiving. Saying yes. Staying productive.
But here’s the truth: If you’re exhausted, you don’t need to earn rest—you need to take it.
You don’t have to prove how tired you are, how much you’ve done, or how much you’ve given. Your right to rest is not up for debate.
And not just that - you’re actually allowed to enjoy it, too.
Breaking Free from ‘Good Girl’ Conditioning
These lies? They’re deeply ingrained. But they are not the truth.
You don’t have to choose between kindness and boundaries.
You’re not responsible for other people’s emotions.
You don’t have to earn the right to take care of yourself.
If you’re ready to start unlearning these patterns in a way that actually feels good, I’d love for you to join my FREE Good Girl Detox Challenge—5 days, 5 simple shifts to start breaking free from people-pleasing: join here!